There's Something Creepy in my Lasagna
It Begins...Inexplicably
At 7:38 and 25 seconds, an inexplicably yet irrelevant beautiful teenage girl who looks exactly like the author, was walking to school and texting on her phone. Her name was Veronica Bronx (because Valerie Hudson was too busy being made out of cardboard) She was texting her ultra perfect, hyper-realistic boyfriend who inexplicably had Laughing-Jack’s eyes, Jeff the killer’s mouth and no nose because no one ever fucking mentions that Jeff apparently doesn’t have a nose anymore, or never had one, and long luscious inexplicably oily nasty black hair. His name was Leonardo Lashtnamio and he’s probably a secret murderer, like everyone else in this universe but doesn’t know it yet. He is Italian and a 666th generation Illuminati intern. He likes Sponge Bob…inexplicably.
They were texting about how much they love creepypasta, and how scary walking to school would be if they weren’t both bad asses who take out big scary guys on a daily basis. Suddenly, She bumped into a phone pole because she wasn’t paying attention to where the hell she was walking. Hand over her face, she glanced behind her for no reason. A car had crashed into a house and ambulances and firemen were pulling on to the scene to give aid to the poor driver and passengers who had been startled when Veronica stepped out into the middle of the street because of her aforementioned distracted texting. “Oh no!” she exclaimed, “It must have been this possessed phone I keep using! This keeps happening!” Veronica was a self absorbed dumbass who didn’t realize that possessed or not, this was entirely her fault. Just then, she heard the first bell sound. If she didn’t leave now she would be really late. Without a second thought to the horrible accident she caused, she ran the rest of the way to her school. She cursed her phone under her breath as she ran.
She made it into first period English, just as the second bell rang. Leonardo, glared at her as she took her seat, as Laughing Jack’s eyes only have one setting. “Are you ok?” He asked in his Mario-like voice, completely ignoring the floating, glaring eyes that was all that was left the teacher, since English class was cursed to always be teacherless. This week the curse was kind of lazy and just made the new teacher fade into nothingness. Veronica looked at him with wide eyes. “My phone made another accident happen.” She whispered. “What if next time it happens to me?” She gasped, ”I’m too scared to stop using it!” She looked down at her phone in horror. It was a second hand iphone, (I don’t know which one they’re all the same to me) with a shiny red and black case. “That makes perfect sense!” Leonardio gasped. Instead of attempting to do any of the 3rd grade punctuation review on their desks, the couple spent the rest of the period poking her phone and gasping.
The other periods went by in much the same way until, Veronica remembered that she had a different fourth than Leonardo. They parted in the hallway outside of her science classroom with an uncomfortably long slobbery kiss. Everyone was quite disturbed and nothing was remembered from that class. She was bored of being scared of her phone now, and since the teacher refused to look at her, she started chatting with one of her brain dead friends, Nonamy, Noffacy about some mysterious ritual her dad was preforming at home. “yeah,” Nonamy groaned, “he joined that video game cult, last week and now it’s blood this and pixel conversion that,” she paused and then said “ Dot, dot dot.” This puzzled Veronica, and she asked Nonamy “Which video game cult? The one that worships a sentient blue hedgehog plushie or the one from a while back that everyone was excited about but then fell off the face of the earth?” Veronica asked. “I’m not sure,” Nonamy admitted and again said “Dot, dot, dot.”
After a short pause, Veronica changed the subject “I don’t think you have to say the “dot, dot, dot” at the end of your sentences.” Nonamy tilted her head. “I keep hearing it on these videos people keep sending to me. I thought It was some new rule.” She crinkled her nose in annoyance. “They keep reading the stories I submit, I get so mad that I watch every single one that comes out for hours." Nonamy whined. Veronica was suddenly distracted by her buzzing phone, it was an unknown number. She was immediately frightened. She didn’t answer her phone and let it go to voicemail. She spent the rest of the period using the internet on her phone to look up information on possessed phones, but soon got bored of that and looked up Jender Jack slash fiction until the lunch bell rang. She stood up with Nonamy and went to get lunch, everyone parted to give them room.
She stood in line with Nonamy and looked for Leonardo. She spotted him eating at a table with male protagonists Cocky and Dave. He noticed her and waved, smiling that awful photoshoped smile with mashed potatoes falling from his cheeks. Veronica smiled at him and waved back, then turned around to grab a lunch tray. She and Nonamy looked over today’s choices : chicken with mashed potatoes, or vegetarian lasagna. Veronica picked up a tray laden with lasagna. She cheerfully grabbed a milk and a cup of jello, paid the ogre lunch lady and walked to Leonardo’s table. He reached over to hug her as she sat down. “Hi babe,” There’s that Mario voice again. “how was science, was there any blood?” He asked. Veronica brushed this off as he asked this every time, she had no idea what that meant. Nonamy sat in front of them, and everyone watched an episode of Sponge Bob on Donatello’s phone. Veronica dug in to her lasagna still watching the tiny screen. Her fork hit something hard and she looked down to see her phone staring up at her from her lasagna.